Facing Your Business Self Image in the Mirror - Who’s Looking Back?
Friday, May 29th, 2009
by Debbie
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To Become a Successful Entrepreneur, You’ve Got to Face Yourself in the Mirror – by Debbie Wilker
Why is the subject of “ego” suddenly popping up at the workplace water-coolers, in blogs, and newsfeeds? Ego is the subject of numerous business and life coaches today. What exactly is “ego”? How does this ego get in the way of your entrepreneurial endeavor? “What’s holding you back?” “Be true to yourself.” “Find the authentic you.” Sound familiar?
Discussions about the ego have emerged in the mainstream, where once they were reserved for private therapy. However, as public awareness grows in all areas through the development of technology (the media, the World Wide Web), everything and anything is up for discussion.
Through films like An Inconvenient Truth by Al Gore, we’re learning to become earth-conscious. We are developing an awareness of our power to create and attract success from Rhonda Byrne’s film The Secret, and Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. Many of us are looking at everything in a whole new light. We are becoming aware of the personal power we all have; we’re learning that being responsible for all that we create opens up the way to achieve the personal fulfillment of dreams.
Einstein’s theory of E=mc2, known today as “everything is energy,” is coupled with the belief that we are all forms of that same energy – the increasing realization that we are all connected, not separate, little specks alone in the universe. Technology itself now connects individuals instantly on a global scale; our previous belief that we were all separate is rapidly being proven false.
Just as all physical matter changes form through the life and death cycle, the death of this collective world ego or consciousness is running scared. As human beings, we will either annihilate ourselves through war and violence or merge together into a new unified consciousness based on collaboration (win/win) instead of competition (win/lose).
However, since the collective world ego is too vast to cover here, let’s focus on how our individual egos get in the way of building our businesses. Any seasoned entrepreneur will tell you that the biggest challenge you’ll struggle with is you.
To become truly successful as an entrepreneur, you must ultimately face your “self,” or ego, in the mirror. You must ask yourself difficult questions about who you are, what you really want, and what are you willing to do to get it. You must also have the courage to hear and assimilate the answers that can bring you the fulfillment and freedom you are seeking.
This is when many of us shrink back from our potential. Many choose to quit and go back to jobs, telling themselves that the path is “too difficult,” it “doesn’t work,” or it is simply a “scam,” when, in truth, they are really just unwilling to go to work on themselves.
When you realize that entrepreneurial success requires learning a new set of skills, adopting a different mindset, and accepting total responsibility for your results, you are thrust out in the open, with no place to hide. Naked, so to speak, you either break through to success, or you run back to the safety of your victimized ego.
Being “successful” has become a false ego or identity that many of us continue to chase. Just as young girls starve themselves to appear “thin enough,” mainstream America has become obsessed with achieving success. Many of us keep up the façade of “appearing successful” to the point that we are willing to bury ourselves in credit card debt as opposed to learning how to create true wealth and prosperity.
Success does not come quickly or easily to most new entrepreneurs. Without having the “comfort” of a job, boss, or weak economy to blame, as a new business owner you must face the fact that you are responsible for your results. At first, this seems daunting – but in the end, it is liberating.
Working for yourself, being your own boss, and setting your own hours seems much more appealing than making some company rich and living out someone else’s dreams. And, these freedoms are attainable through free enterprise. However, the rewards come after you become a successful entrepreneur, not when you are just starting out.
In actuality, you will probably work harder on yourself and in your own business than you ever did as an employee. The difference here is that now you can reap the benefits, that is, if you have the courage to face that deceptive ego in the entrepreneurial mirror to success.
When the newness of your adventure wears off, or the money doesn’t roll in immediately (i.e., you haven’t become a millionaire overnight), doubts and questions arise. This is when you must face and slay your dragons. After you clarify these things for yourself, stepping into the shoes of a real entrepreneur can begin.
A False Identity
We can define the ego as your fabricated identity, the self you “believe” you are. Often, this identity is based on lies you have internalized as truths. These lies usually take the form of one of the following generalized beliefs:
1. I am not “good enough,” or I am “less-than” (needs rescuing)
2. I am “better than so “I don’t need any fixing” (not coachable)
Either way, your deceptive ego must then prove to itself (and everyone else’s ego) that you are “good enough” or “better than.” Competition can be fun – but, this great drive to compare oneself to others indicates an “us” vs. “them” mentality. This is a win/lose situation. It cannot lead to true success as it perpetuates the false identity. Comparing with judgments for and against ourselves cannot reveal the true or authentic self.
What if you stopped comparing and judging? Would you then be more free to do what you want? To do what you love? To reach your potential?
When your identity or ego is called into question because your business does not take off fast enough, or through the loss of your day job, marital issues, serious illness, or some other trauma, you are faced with the immediate concern: “How am I going to pay the bills now?”
And the deeper question: “What’s my real purpose here?”
According to Jeffery Combs, it takes most entrepreneurs a minimum of two years to get over their discomfort of self-promotion and to replace the false lies of the ego by incorporating the following skills of asking, believing, and receiving:
- ASK: You must learn to become comfortable with the “art of asking” for the sale of your product or service – and use the results to better your performance, not judge your intrinsic self-worth by the process or the results.
- BELIEVE: You must believe that you will succeed in your business; that you are deserving of that success.
- RECEIVE: You must become willing and able to receive that success in whatever and whenever it presents itself.
If you cannot learn to ask and ask with assurance, you will not obtain the success you desire. If you do not believe that you will succeed, you won’t. If you do not feel that you deserve the success you have stated, you will do everything you can do – subconsciously – to undermine or sabotage your results.
Examples of How the Ego Gets in the Way of Our Success
1. I am the way I am, and I have no choice in being able to change anything about myself.
2. I do not deserve success because I am not good enough and can never become good enough.
3. I am at the mercy of my situation, or the economy, or other factors my life.
4. I am too old, too shy, too sick, too afraid, too poor, (any excuse here will do).
5. My spouse won’t let me; my boss won’t give me any time off.
6. I don’t have the time, money, or connections to make things different.
7. Everybody settles for a ho-hum life, so I should too.
8. I must become immoral, greedy, or selfish to be successful.
9. I’d have to “sell” something, become manipulative, and I can’t handle “rejection.”
10. I don’t have the right to succeed because there are so many suffering people in this world.
In other words: “I am a helpless victim” or “I’d have to change by becoming unethical and uncaring to succeed.”
And let’s not forget about the oversized egos out there which reveal their false identity of superiority to all others. The big shot gets in the way of his or her own success by believing themselves to be so smart that they refuse to ask for help, are unwilling to learn anything new, nor are they able to admit they were wrong about things…
The superior ego is effectively saying: “I know it all” so “I don’t need fixing” and “you’re not good enough for me!”
This entrepreneur is not coach-able, has to re-invent all of the wheels, and will not allow successful business partners to join in their enterprise because no one by the big ego’s own definition is good enough!
Underneath all of these statements lie the false belief that:
“I am powerless.”
Doesn’t that statement make you feel awful? It should!
A True Identity
When you discover that your subconscious mind, comprised of your ingrained beliefs, habits, mental and emotional patterns really runs the show, and it is not your external identity – or what you show to others that really matters – and learn how to change your powerful mind, you will uncover the authentic or “true you” which will make you feel a whole lot better…
So, here’s the real TRUTH you must now say to yourself in that mirror of entrepreneurial success (and “the truth shall set you FREE”):
“I am powerful!”
Affirm this truth to yourself every time you feel sad, frustrated, rejected, betrayed, sick, or not sure of yourself. According to all of the experts on retraining the brain, the best times of the day to impress change upon your mind is just before you fall asleep and just as you wake in the morning, before rising. A great resource for this is found in The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy.
You do have the free will and the power to choose your beliefs, actions, thoughts, feelings, and words. You do have the right to be empowered, to create successful enterprises, to prosper, to be free. This is what FREE ENTERPRISE is all about!
The alternative is that you can just continue in the drama of victimization, voicing complaints along with the rest of the world, gossiping and spreading emotional poison about the latest awful news instead of risking to be different – to be real – to be authentic.
In the words of Marianne Williamson from “A Course of Miracles”:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
This inspiring quote by Marianne Williamson is from her book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3 (Pg. 190-191).
To reach your potential, whether that means becoming financially free, having peace of mind, or serving mankind in some unique way, you must be willing to expose the lies you believe about yourself, whatever form they take. You must be willing to find your voice, to step into your true power, without the need for approval or justification or excuses.
A tall order? You bet. Attainable? Absolutely!
To be a leader, a successful entrepreneur, you must dare to be different, to be true to yourself, to lead – and to lead, you must be seen. Yes, you will have to learn some new skills and be willing to face your lies and truths in the mirror of entrepreneurial success, but that can be exciting, and it is definitely NOT THE SAME OLD SAME OLD! Nor, is it what most people who are going broke doing working at a job they detest and focusing on the negative.
By awakening to the truth that you are divinely powerful, you can make a huge difference in this world. You can allow your victimized ego (which is insidious, sly, and cunning) to pass away.
So you see, it’s not frightening to look at yourself in the mirror after all. You’ll see yourself as you really are: divinely good. And that’s worth looking at!
Originally published by MoreHeartThanTalentPublishing, Inc. 2008
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Deborah A. Wilker knows what it’s like to come back from the depths of depression and life-threatening illnesses. Being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in her early twenties and severe PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), Debbie was not able to work in the usual form of employment, i.e., a “job”, pushing her into developing her entrepreneurial skills.
Debbie has worked diligently to heal her body, mind, and spirit from the mental and emotional abuse triggered from her five-year involvement in a church cult during her teens, has recovered from several major surgeries, and has overcome a brain injury caused when a drunk driver hit their car in 2001.
Choosing to find purpose and solutions to these obstacles, Debbie has worked from home as an author, editor, and award-winning artist. She has been successful in direct selling and built successful internet and networking businesses.
Currently, Debbie is living in Florida with her husband of 30 years, Ron, her 10 yr old Cairn terrier RalphieDog, 4 cats, a few fleas, and is pursuing her dreams of motivational speaking and product development to serve others facing physical, emotional, mental and spiritual challenges.
Debbie can be contacted through Facebook and LinkedIn as Deborah Wilker and on Twitter @DebbieConnects - Speak with her best friend @TheRalphieDog
Previously written blogs can be found at http://FlipSidePost.com, and http://RalphieDog.com
Watch for Debbie’s new website launching mid June 2009 at http://DebbieConnects.com
